Originally posted 12/9/2009
Bonding
When I was first told that I'd be having twins, I have to admit I fantasized about the relationship the two of them would have. I envisioned two little toddlers who'd want to spend every waking moment together. They'd play together and get along famously. Boy, was I sorely mistaken. For whatever reason, Shawn and Jason have acted less like the way I expected twins to behave and more like competitive, out-for-blood brothers.
While they were babies, I told myself that their lack of closeness was because they had spent so much of their early months apart. I overlooked the fact that each saw the other as nothing more than an obstacle to climb over or from which to take a coveted toy. The screaming fits and crying jags that erupted in this house over the simplest of things were enough to make your ears bleed on a regular basis. What one had, the other wanted. If one was in my lap, the other literally tried to rip the first out it in order to take his place. It was never ending.
I tried to tell myself, the bond was there. I just needed to be patient. But, I have to admit that it was getting harder and harder to hold on to the hope.
Occasionally I saw glimmers of the possibilities. There were the times that Shawn was so sick in the hospital. Jason was never quite himself until the moment Shawn started to feel the tiniest bit better. As Shawn improved, Jason seemed to snap out of his own funk at exactly the same time. And, there was also their annoying habit of tag teaming their over tired parents at bed/nap time. One would fuss for what seemed like forever. When he would finally quiet and go to sleep, his brother would take the reins and start fussing in his place. Back and forth they'd go until they had driven us both crazy with frustration. Something was happening between the two of them. So what if their desire to drive us mad was the glue that stuck them together, right? At least it was
something.
Shawn and Jason have just turned two, and the bond I've dreamt about is finally emerging. One is no longer always the rival of the other. Dare I say it? Playing
together has actually been seen around this place as of late.
Now, instead of stealing a toy from his brother, Jason will offer Shawn a replacement so they can trade. Shawn is honing his comedic abilities and tries as hard as he can to get a good laugh from Jason. Little examples of how much they love each other are witnessed all the time now.
It makes my heart sing to see the two of them together enjoying each other's company.
This weekend, the boys were in their cribs in their bedroom. Shawn was frustrated and wanted to get out of bed. It was still a little early, so I ignored him and tried to get a little more sleep instead.
(A girl’s got to dream!) Over the monitor I could hear the two of them talking. Jason tried to comfort Shawn and told him several times "no cry." Shawn calmed down some. Soon after, I heard the first "Boo!" For the next seven minutes they played peek-a-boo. They laughed and giggled as they took turns scaring the other. It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen and heard.
All was right in the world.
It took that moment before it hit me. Shawn and Jason
are close. There
is a strong bond between them. I need to stop worrying about their relationship resembling something from my head and let them figure out how it will look by themselves.
You know what?
It looks now like they are doing a fine job all on their own. :-)
