No? People don't do that? Really? Ahem.
So, here is my feeble attempt at humoring
~~~
...based on the book If You Give a Cat a Cupcake by Laura Numeroff
If You Give a Kid a Toy
If you give a kid a toy, he'll ask for some batteries to make it play.
When you go to get him the batteries, he'll be sad when you don't have enough.
His crying will give you a headache, so you'll have to take him to the store.
He'll want to ride in the cart and hold on to your phone. Then he'll ask for everything he sees, especially anything sugary. He'll start throwing things into the basket, but the pile will get too tall and fall out onto the floor.
He'll remember the phone and decide he needs to ask Siri for help. He'll tell her "help me clean," but she'll misunderstand what he says. Instead, she'll suggest a search for "bean."
Hearing that, he'll decide he needs to go to a farm. Where he'll pick some berries. And play in the dirt. He might even pick a tomato to give to his brother. After the farm, he'll want to go clean off in the pool. When you get there, he'll jump in. He'll swim far out to the middle of the water. Soon, he'll want you to rescue him.
He'll notice the slide, which will remind him of the park. He'll ask you to take him there. First he'll climb the rock wall. Then he'll swing on the swings. He might even try to ride the dinosaur.
When his tummy rumbles, he'll ask you to leave. On the way home, you'll pass by the store. You'll help him pick up the pile of items on the floor. He'll race you to the car.
At home, he'll try to help you unload. There's a good chance he might drop a bag on the ground. Seeing the bag will remind him of the batteries. He'll probably ask you for some.
And chances are,
if you give him some batteries,
he'll need a toy to put them in.
